You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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