I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
