im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
