i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
