he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
