I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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