I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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