He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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