apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize