i think my mom watched the whole time
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
