Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
