my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
