every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize