Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
