I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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