Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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