I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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