I just cut my nipple shaving
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
