I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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