he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Small penises have feelings too.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
