I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
