census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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