tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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