The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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