after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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