I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
