Swine flu is the new snow day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
