is your mom at the bar?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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