I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
