last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
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Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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