While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
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I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize