I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I cockslap morals
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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