She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
