Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
