So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize