i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
