I wanna passion pit in your ass
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
