its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize