Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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