Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
