It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
