he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
