This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
