Umm I'm too high to move.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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