My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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