guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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