Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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