Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
