i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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