Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
