he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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