Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize