So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man