you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.