I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
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Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE