God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My friends, they love my intelligence
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?