Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
