go do what you do best...puke behind churches
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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