Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
dude. I can hear the air.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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