i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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