I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
