Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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