Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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