so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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