Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize