I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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